What’s Important to You and Who’s Listening?

Have you found that people never really ask what is important to you as a single parent?  Did you know there are almost 14 million single parents in the US alone? That’s right, there are a lot of us, but have you noticed that we single parents don’t really have much of a voice in society?

Finally, with the launch of the print magazine, Single Parent, we have a chance to not only be heard, but be recognized as a valued group of society. It’s your turn.

We are not all on welfare, but this is often how we’re viewed (no disrespect to those of us who are).  We are hard-working providers for our families and do just as well if not better than two-parent homes.

When you read Single Parent magazine, it’s all about what is important to you as a modern single parent. It’s about a fresh perspective on living “Happily Ever Now“…not someday.

How do we know you will relate and get a lot out of it? Single parents (the co-creators of iHeart, Clare and Morgan) are the ones that have carefully selected content that is important to you and designed it with a fresh and up-to-date style, with the help of other Single Parents from iHeart, like Holly, Mary Mary, Ms. Single Mama, Steph, Cynthia, RJ, Tommy Taylore and more!

How do you talk to your child about the absent parent?  When is it OK to introduce the person you’re dating to your kids? The topics are about things you want to know, that are current, and most of all, authentically for single parents.

We are on a mission to make sure your voice matters through producing this magazine.

This is the first print magazine of its kind, recognizing you as a modern day single parent.  We believe you deserve your own print magazine.

Get your subscription now and get two bonus issues.  Not only will you be doing something good for yourself, but for your fellow single parents as well, by proving that yes, we do have a voice and it’s time we are heard!

Thank you for rocking as a single parent!

Clare & Morgan – Creators of iHeart and Single Parent, Your Print Magazine

P.S. How can you possibly enjoy Valentine’s Day as a single parent?  Find out in our first issue! Subscribe now and get yours delivered straight to your home (while you’re thinking about it plus two bonus issues.

Got Anger? Got Resentment?

Have you ever felt so steamed and angry at someone that you couldn’t think straight?  How about totally irritated and irked, so it affected your whole life and how you show up in the world?

What if you were able to free yourself from those feelings that are causing you such anguish?

I propose that you can.

You see, I had a breakthrough last weekend.  I went away to a seminar that I thought would help me bring my career to the next level.  What I learned there was powerful.

I want you to have this power too.

Resentment can sure eat at a person can’t it?  You can hold on to pain inflicted by someone in your life years and years ago.

When I was 12, we moved from a lovely sunny place in California, where I had grown up since I was 5, to a tiny town surrounded by a corn field in the middle of America.  My father moved our family because he decided that he wanted to become a preacher.  He felt called.  So he would leave to attend seminary school during the week and come home on the weekends to preach as a student pastor.  Meanwhile, my little preteen life spiraled down and out of control.  I was shy, so I was brutally teased and picked on.  I cried when I came home from school.   It was a difficult time of life.  This is when I decided to accept that life was hard and it was better to just accept depression as a natural way of being.  I decided that my dad must not really have cared about us that much, and he must not really love us.  How could he let that happen?

We moved back West to another small town when I was a sophmore in high school.  It was a bit icy between my dad and I during the rest of the time I lived at home.  Eventually it got better, and we were back to a friendly relationship.

What became crystal clear during the seminar is that my dad didn’t do anything to me.  I am the one that decided he didn’t care and didn’t love me.  I am the one who had held on to this resentment for well over a decade.  I am the one that has prevented a close relationship, not one that is just nice on the surface, but one that would really allow me to get to know my dad as one adult to another.

This set me free.  I decided to let it go, because he never did anything to me.  He has always had unconditional love for me.  I was the one being a jerk! WOW!  That was eye-opening for sure.  I saw examples of this in my other relationships too.  This meant that I wasn’t perfect, I wasn’t always right.  Being right all the time is sure exhausting, and when you can let that need go, you will regain your aliveness!

The point is, if you look back at your life and have any hard feelings with anyone you care about, I invite you to really take a look at that.

Did you make something that happened in your life mean something to you that isn’t necessarily true?

Most of us have issues with our parents, whether they are deserved or not.  Most of these parents are not perfect, but they do love us.  Have we skewed something that they did to mean it meant they didn’t care or didn’t love us?

What about your co-parent?  Is their goal really to upset you or are they a good person, thinking they are doing what is best and right?  If you genuinely believe it is to upset you, it should be very easy to let this go because it’s not about you, and how sad for them?

If so, I invite you to set yourself free. Let them know what happened and let them know what you made it mean.  Tell them that you are sorry, and then just let it go.  If it comes up for you, remember that you let it go, and move past it.

This will make life a lot easier!

Have you ever felt…

As a society, as a world, are we coming to a collective conscientiousness that places more importance on love, happiness, giving to each other, the world in harmony?  I believe we are, truly.  I look at iHeart, and I am flooded with the feeling that indeed there is a higher power, or a definite and real spirituality that exists among us, within us.  Giving is what this community of amazing single parents does on a daily basis.  They give their heartfelt support and advice to each other.  They give of themselves through sharing about their lives, sharing their family with each other.

I look at the election results.  When the results were announced and the TV cameras captured the onlookers with tears of joy, elation and marveling at this momentous historic occasion, we witnessed it.  We heard it when the President Elect spoke:

This is our moment. This is our time – to put our people back to work and open doors of opportunity for our kids; to restore prosperity and promote the cause of peace; to reclaim the American Dream and reaffirm that fundamental truth – that out of many, we are one; that while we breathe, we hope, and where we are met with cynicism, and doubt, and those who tell us that we cant, we will respond with that timeless creed that sums up the spirit of a people:

Yes We Can. Thank you, God bless you, and may God Bless the United States of America.

I don’t know about you, but I felt the world breathe a sigh of relief, a weight lifted, and an entire species come together…enough so that it brought me to tears.  That was real.  I believe we have elected a President that understands that we are evolving as a people.

As we evolve, we are changing where we place importance.  We are realizing that the old ways of greed and looking out for number one are not the way to happiness.  What feels better than giving, making someone else feel good, helping out a friend in need, without expecting something in return?  Giving is love.  Love is truth.  This is no coincidence.  Love connects us all, we are all one.  No wonder it feels so good to give.  Because when we give to each other, we are giving to ourselves and the rest of the world.  Just as it was felt on election night, so it is felt when someone gives to someone else.  Emotions are felt, and I’m thankful for feelings because without feeling the lowest of lows, we could not feel the highest of joys.  Have you ever felt so much gratitude and grace that you cried tears of joy?  These emotions prove that there is more to life than meets the eye.

Your Million Dollar Asset

In my last post I asked what three things that made you smile in your day were.  I got some great responses!  Speaking of smiling, if you have a smile, you have a million dollar asset!   Sounds a little suspect, but hear me out ok?

Are you a “smiley” kind of person?  Have you ever noticed that people who are really likable, are often smilers?

I never used to smile much.  I learned to squelch my smile because a.) I didn’t like it, and b.) I didn’t feel comfortable sharing that much emotion.  I still have trouble with it sometimes, but I do know that nothing has the power of a smile since started doing it more.

What does a smile say? It says “I like you, I come as a friend” and “I assume you are going to like me.”  Another thing a smile says is “You are worth smiling at.”  You give someone a big smile as your walking along and your bound to get one back because you made a point to notice this person, and psychologically, we all want to feel important.

You might notice that people are friendlier, you get better and faster service, and the day just feels easier.

Maybe you think you don’t have a good smile, but I believe everyone has a million dollar smile, especially when it is genuine.  Maybe you feel like I felt, and don’t want to plaster your emotion on your face.  What I say to that is, LET GO and smile.  Don’t be ashamed to let your face say “I’m glad to see you!”  It will only do good.

If you are not using your smile, you are like a person with a million dollars in the bank, but no way to access it. What else can perform the magic of a smile?  Compliment someone and smile, and it multiplies the compliment many times.  Ask a favor and smile, and the person granting it will feel almost compelled to do it.  Do a favor for someone and smile, and you add even more appreciation from the asker.  If you have something that might be a bit painful to share, smiling takes the sting out of it.  If you meet someone for the first time and smile, they will feel like they know you already!  It’s like magic!

Challenge:

Test your million dollar asset.  I challenge you to try it out!  If you are not usually a smiler, try some of the ideas above and add more smiles into your day.  You might notice that people are friendlier, you get better and faster service, and the day just feels easier.

Do this and please come back to share with me how it went!

What Are 3 Things That Brought a Smile To Your Face?

Each and everyday is truly a gift, isn’t it?  To be able to wake up and take in a big deep breath, and feel the life in your bones, what a miracle!  I know it’s easy to wake up on the wrong side of the bed, or have a “case of the Mondays” but there has to be at least one thing you smiled about today…was it your little ones attempt at making breakfast?  Did you hear something funny on the radio as you were headed in to work?

Please share at least one, if not three things that brought a smile to your face!

Mine are:

1. The Wiggles, these guys are a little bizarro aren’t they?  My son is 2 1/2 and he never really has watched them, but his grandma sent us The Big Red Car dvd, and he got pretty into it.  I had to smile at these grown men running around in their red, blue, yellow, and pirate outfits, like a bunch of kids.  Captain Feathersword was great!

2.  The sun is shining today!  In Oregon that is something to smile about for sure, as it can be cloudy for a majority of the year.

3.  Starbucks, ok, it’s not my favorite, but it’s so darn convenient!  I got something new today: a Gingersnap Chai tea latte with Soy.  If you like sweet, you will like this!

Ok, your turn!

Success and Happiness

I am refocusing my blog.  Actually, I’m adding focus to it.  Single parents are my homies, my favorite kind of folks.  Of course I happen to be one, so the topic is near and dear to my heart (or my “iHeart” if you will ! In determining the best way to revamp this blog, I asked myself, what do we all have in common besides being single parents?

I came up with two words:  Success and Happiness

Success: I do realize that not all single parents are interested in becoming successful in terms of career, but I believe that 99% of you want to be successful in life at whatever it is that you are passionate about, and parenting is probably in there somewhere! This blog will be focused on helping you get there, or simply just bringing you happiness.

Happiness: this one is easy.  Obviously this is something we all pursue if we don’t have it already, or if we would like to experience it more often.  It’s the best way to be right?

One thing I know for sure is that I am happy.  I also believe I have experienced some success in life.  What I would like to bring to you through this blog is a little insight.  My own unique brand of insight.  I know we all have unique insight, we are all amazing creations, not one of us the same.  So I look forward to and will be honored by your unique feedback should you choose to grace this blog with them.  Here is my first reflection on bringing more happiness into your life.

The more you appreciate your fellow human beings, the more happiness you have in your life. This is 100% true.  It’s amazing what happens when you really love your neighbor as yourself.  We have all known how it feels to be loved and appreciated, to be recognized for our inherent importance as individuals that matter.  You can start giving this to others now, and it doesn’t cost a thing.  In fact, the more you give, the more you will get back in return.

Grinsights

1. Thought-taking moments are life’s greatest joys. Walking along our normal route this morning, as I steered the stroller up the driveway I had one such moment when I saw this:

Brilliantly colored roses against a lush green backdrop with a blue blue sky…

2. Every bad decision or experience serves to richen your character and make you that much wiser.

3. I wonder if I would have more mental clarity if I became a vegan…

3 Steps to Instant Happiness

Let me preface this by saying I’m not always a ray of sunshine, but that this does work for me when I am feeling less than happy. I don’t claim to be an expert on happiness, but this can help!

Turn your mood around with 3 simple steps:

1.) Breathe with normal, complete breaths

2.) Think about five things to be grateful for that you have in your life. Is the sun shining? Do you have food to eat? Can you walk? Can you see?

3.) Think about how much worse it could be.

Repeat steps 1 and 2.

I would maintain that thanks are the highest form of thought; and that gratitude is happiness doubled by wonder. ~G.K. Chesterton

Finding your passion is a simple as…

…remembering your life’s victories. As you look back over your life, do you recall moments in your life where you felt like you were on top of the world? A victory is a moment in your life that stands out, that puts a smile on your face, that causes your heart rate to speed up when you think about it. Once you get these answers, it’s a matter of simplifying and combining them into what will be your life plan. This may sound simple, and for some it is. In order to do this, you must do some self-reflection and really listen to your intuition. I will give you an example, using my own life…

For me, I have three such victories.

1.) Childbirth and motherhood. Being a mom is something that I always wanted to be, as long as I can remember. The experience of bringing a baby into this world was probably the most alive and awake I have ever felt. Even during pregnancy, feeling my son growing inside of me, was awesome. I don’t mean awesome as in “awesome dude,” I mean awe-inspiring. Even now as I look at his little arms, feet, face and see his wheels turning (he’s two) when he’s figuring things out, I can’t believe what a gift I have.

2.) Becoming an entrepreneur while working with like-minded people. Since I was 15 I have worked. My first job was at DQ for two years, then after high school I worked at the mall, then at a casino cafe, then at a hotel front desk, then various office and customer service positions. Following the rules, asking to go to the bathroom, basically being in someone else’s regime I have come to realize is a repellent. That little voice in my head when I would put my uniform on and clock in kept telling me that this was not right for me. Finally getting up the courage to just accept fully that I’m not an employee was a giant victory. This was step one, step two was finding a like-minded person or group of people to surround myself with and collaborate. When I met my business partner, Modern Single Momma, I finally felt like I wasn’t totally unrealistic in my goals of entrepreneurship. She is a kindred spirit and we have formed a friendship and business partnership that is very successful and fulfilling.

3.) Creating. Being a part of the human race, I am amazed at the diversity and talent that is thriving all around us. When we allow our creativity to come out, we are truly fulfilling our destiny. Everyone is creative. Everyone! Being creative can mean of course, artistic, dramatic, musical, but it can also mean creative problem solving, being innovative, expressing yourself in a way that is uniquely you. I discovered that being creative is absolute for my life. Our country was built on pioneering, and I feel compelled to carry on this endeavor. It was a victory for me when I allowed myself to accept that what I do, from the small tasks to big decisions, will be done in my own unique way. This also lends to my entrepreneurship.

So take a moment now to think about your life’s victories. Let me know what you discover about yourself, leave a comment. I’m so interested to know about you! Once you have come up with your victories (as many or as few as you can come up with), think about weaving them together and applying them to your life moving forward.

This is how I’m fulfilling my passions:

I have created a life where I set my own hours working for myself as a startup entrepreneur of a new concept business, thereby allowing as much time with my son as I want while also giving him the opportunity to develop his social skills in daycare.

Getting to this point was not necessarily easy, but of course it’s not necessarily hard either, if you have a plan. I would love to help you map out your plan for a life filled with passion. Feel free to list your victories here!

A Grinsight

Never doubt that a small, group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has.

-Margaret Mead